Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Reading List

I would like to recommend a terrific reading List. My great friend and colleague, Ginger Blume has created a wonderful reading list, which she has attached to her website. I would strongly recommend it to anyone looking for further information on mental health issues. I also strongly recommend Dr. Blume and her associates as excellent therapists. Her website is:

Sunday, October 3, 2010

2nd Entry, We Never Cry: The conspiracy of avoidance

I believe there are aspects of grieving that need to be emphasized, but have been overlooked in the literature. Having become very familiar with the books on grieving, I am now well versed in how the individual grieves. I believe in Elizabeth Kubler-Ross' work on the stages of grief, and the process the individual goes through. But the first thing that happens when someone dies is that the family joins together. We don't grieve individually, but most of us grieve within the family. This is very important because pain is contagious. When one person in the family is hurting, it effects all the other family members. Therefore, if Mommy cries at the dinner table every night, Daddy might stop coming home. This aspect of grief has been ignored.
If I had a dime for every person that told me they had to be strong for their family, to ease the pain of the family, I would be rich. People avoid feeling the pain, crying, breaking down, so that other family members don't feel the pain, cry and break down. Most families grieve through a conspiracy of avoidance. Years later the family ends up in my office because no one has been allowed to grieve and now they are doing crazy things to avoid the pain. It is then my job, to remove those obstacles and allow the pain to vent. This is what happens in the therapists office.