Palmyra

  Shortly after I started Syracuse U., I met a wonderful young woman named Laurie.  She was from Palmyra, N.Y., so when we first started dating I affectionately called her Palmyra.  She and I seemed to fit together really well.  She lived across the park from my dorm and before long one of us was crossing that park every night.  It has been many years and I don’t remember much about her.  But I do remember that we had started falling in love.  Then she did something, that at my age, I couldn’t tolerate.  I think now that it was my failure, not hers.  Whoever is responsible, it finished us.

We were in my dorm room studying.  Studying was something that I wasn’t good at, but doing it with her made it easier.  I remember she was lying on my bed and I was sitting at the desk with my feet up.  We were comfortable together, just being; when I noticed that she was making my bed.  

“What are you doing?”

“I’m making the bed of course.” 

“Okay, why are you making my bed?”  

“I’m practicing for when we are married.”

That was all she had to say.  She scared me with those words.  In my head, I knew that it was over.  I would break up with her before the end of the week.  I don’t remember how I pushed her away, but I remember that I did.  I could make a case that when she said those words, she was actually sabotaging the relationship.  At the time, I totally convinced myself that it was all Laurie that destroyed what we were making.  I now know that I ran away.  I had other options.  

Once in a while, I get back to Rochester and Syracuse via the New York Thruway.  When I pass the roadsign for Palmyra, I always wonder what could have been.