Saturday, July 27, 2013

The Disney Dad


         Last year I did a workshop for Father’s of Daughters.  I was explaining the value of saying “no” to children.  I was making a strong case for it, when I was interrupted with a comment. 
“I know what you are saying, but I’m a Disney Dad.  I don’t say “no” to my two daughters.  I don’t think I’m capable of saying “no” to them.” 
This was too important to not confront it:  “First sir, I don’t believe you.  If you saw your child, no matter what age, putting their hand on the hot burner of the stove, I totally believe you would say “no” with some vehemence.  How old are you daughters?”
“I have an 11 year old and a 13 year old.” 
I believe that it is a parent’s responsibility to teach their children the word “no.”  “If you don’t use it with them, they won’t know how to use the word “no.”  I suspect that you want both of your daughters to be familiar and comfortable with the word.  If you know how to use the word “no,” they will be able to use the word “no.”  It won’t be too long from now, when some boy asks your daughter if he can put his hand under her shirt.  When that happens, I believe you want her to know how to say “no.”  
He looked shocked.
“I want you to go home and practice saying “no.”  Say no to her staying up beyond her curfew.  Say no to requests to take her to the mall or get a new cell phone.  Practice saying the word no so that she learns the word and knows how to use it herself.” 
We provide discipline for children so that as they grow, they can discipline themselves.  The purpose of discipline is for our children to learn how to self discipline.   


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